I have a dream. I have lots of dreams. But my dream right now at this very moment is to dine with Abramovich, Mourinho and the Chelsea team. I have been imbued with lots of Chelsea love from reading The Wit and Wisdom of Jose Mourinho again. To achieve that dream, I am going to become a sports presenter. I could go and host those weekly football talk shows. Yet if I'm not going to study in that particular field, how then can I achieve my dream? Or I could marry one of the players.

I have another dream. To get 26 pairs of shoes. I would like to wear one pair for one week and then alternate and work my way through all 26 and then do it all over again. At the end of the year, I would have won one pair of shoes twice. I may not have enough shoe space but I will have pretty feet and happiness is having lots of shoes.

Speaking of happiness and football, I would like to see Chelsea win the Quadruple. Aha, a tough thing to manage BUT we can do it! With passion, motivation AND enthusiasm for all things blue, it is a possibility in any season so long as we have the determination and drive to make the dream a reality. Perhaps I should be Chelsea's motivator.

I have a more realistic dream. I dream that the next time someone flirts with me I shall know it. There should have been a rulebook that told me the signs. How can one appreciate the art of flirting when I don't even know I'm flirting or that someone is flirting with me! [This is a very old rant so bear with me]

-"Inspired" after listening to so many "I have a Dream" speeches for english class.

[Since I did this for fun, it isn't all together serious because truthfully if it were extremely serious, I would add lots of other things like higher education and my priorities in life, ie God, my family, my friends but right now I don't really feel like doing a serious post]

I would also like to add to comment on my friends' tags-Teaching isn't that foreign an idea to me because I like talking and I like telling people what to do, ha, just like how I lecture the Guides for their tests. However, chatty students who don't really listen and result in me having to raise my voice does not make a good day. Nonetheless, again, no job provides 100 percent satisfaction and therefore I must say that I AM happy working at SN (even if my formclass can be a bit wacky but I like them) BUT perhaps would be more happy lazing at home but I can't earn money that way so I guess one can't have their cake and eat it too. Boo.

There has been a lack of "instant love" when it comes to shoes these days. I haven't seen a pair that I instantly like and fall in love with and MUST buy. WHY! All this shoe talk and I only have a grand total of 4 going out shoes. One of which is very worn. I also want to get some new clothes but have been waiting to lose more weight. At least I haven't put on since we last stopped having PE.

Rainbows and sunshines now. Happy posts make people happy!

Dancing on the ceiling full of love for you.

A message just for you my friends.

I would also like to take this opportunity to clarify something
Last time, I may have been depressed/not happy all the time/moody, especially in Secondary school. Now, I hope I'm happier and more carefree. (Yes I have been!) As well as having matured in my thinking. Why? Because of God and situations and people He placed in my life. After backsliding and then going back to church and then cell, I've never felt happier and have less worries because I can give my worries to the Lord. So that explains why you see more happy posts, more TEEHEEHEEs, more 'dancing on the ceilings'. Tis God's Great Grace I tell you. MORE LOVE. =)

I've been relief teaching at SN for the last past week which explains my disappearance from the blogging world until now. Will continue teaching until 31 March. Teaching what? English and Geog. Now that's a word you don't see here often or at all. Oh well, it's only Sec 1 and 2 Geog so technically it's okay since the chapters don't have anything to do with physical geog because that's hard to understand unless you read it slowly. Since I AM a history student. I think I would be more free if I didn't have to go to so many department meetings or other meetings because frankly some don't really concern me since I'm leaving next week.

God really has things planned out for me. My teaching ends when my interviews/preparation for them should start in April. My form class is rather noisy and chatty but they're actually quite nice people.

Celebrated WeeMin's birthday on Friday where we were entertained by Quek and her weird logical reasonings. Anyway, Im just extremely happy to know them both and glad that taking the PGA and then being YAs together and going to VJ made us such good friends. Even if Quek likes talking about weird things.

Oh the PSC test? I only went there and took the numerical part. Yes the maths part. And then they told me I could leave. I felt cheated. Obviously they knew my Math was really bad. But the good thing is that they're considering me and I'm not the only one who had to redo the math part. I may have done only slightly better because I was having a headache and some questions seemed rather difficult to comprehend.

The loss to Fulham puts our confirmation of the League title to a later date. We're in the semis for FA and playing against Liverpool. What else? I'm online waiting for the outcome for the match against Man City and I think we should win because we're 2-0 up now which is really good because Man City were the first team to beat Chelsea under Mourinho's reign as manager.

I'm really happy that Clara tagged. Because she hasn't tagged for such a long time and she SMS-ed me yesterday at some weird night hour which made me feel loved. =)

Since it's after midnight and going to 1, I shall give a birthday shoutout to my sister.

Happy Birthday Cheryl.

And because it's your birthday, I shall refrain from calling you toot today. Happy 16th. =)

"Our desires are a very important factor in making us what we are, and if bad desires can be our ruin, good desires can be our salvation. Instead of trying to quench desire, we should purify and exalt it, and there is no better way of doing so than to make our requests known unto God.
...
We must know what we want
We must be sure that we want it
We must not at the same time be asking for things that are contradictory to one another"

-Maxie Dunnam's "Living Prayer"

Less guilt when dealing with want now. Haha. Just thought I'll share that.

Went to Marche today with the family to sort of celebrate my A levels, results and all. Quite a spending spree but tis fun since it was my dad who went around buying all sorts of food. We finished all the food in one hour with minimal conversation thanks to my dad. The rest of us talked but he just diligently polished the food away. Boo.

What is the world coming to?
Flowerpecker + Kingfisher = FlowerKing ?

What happened to Grace See's and my...
Kingfisher + Mynah = MyKing !

We're old. What influence do we as ex-PLs have on our patrol? Ooh that sounds petty but it makes me a wee bit sad to know that our patrol is so far away because we don't really know anyone of them save for the sec 4s and even they will be leaving soon. Maybe distancing ourselves from Guides will be for me only a temporary thing. I suspect I'll be back. I know Guides has had a terrific influence on my life and doing all those personal essays for uni/scholarship applications have resulted in lots of thanks and reflection and prioritising again but while I'm grateful to Guides, do I still see myself helping out with Guides events in the next few years down the road? I honestly don't know. Do I want to? I don't know.

It still makes me sad that I won't be going overseas to study but maybe going to London on a holiday (and visiting Stamford Bridge) might cure all that! Anyone want to go to Europe with me? I guess I've been moaning about staying in Singapore and not being on a real type of holiday (a few days in Malaysia doesn't really count when all you do is stay in the hotel room and sleep I mean I do that in Singapore too!) since I finished O levels and went to New Zealand so now I want to go for a holiday to a place other than Malaysia.

I miss YY and Sonya. I want to spend another lazy afternoon with them eating desserts.

Gladys can be marvellously insulting at times. If you don't play it, Sudoku seems meaningless. But really, the amount of logic you put into completing the game without wild guessing would be enough to ensure your mind working. As with bridge and mahjong.

Apparently I could have done better on my psychometric test, or so they said when I called to enquire. I knew it was the numerical reasoning tests that got me into this. My general and verbal reasonings are excellent (feedbacked in the report) but really, numerical? There IS a reason why I'm an Arts student you know. And without a calculator? That's like asking for trouble. Oh well, retake retake.

I turn back to my Chelsea to make me happy.

"Don't sit around moping and waiting for your luck to come back.
Go out and fight for it. It will soon be back"
-Ted Drake, Chelsea manager 1952-61

That man brought the title to Stamford Bridge for the first time in 1955 (we've won it twice only). And the quote was felt when we exited the Champions League last season against Liverpool without a clear goal. (Computer tech HAS shown it wasn't a goal boo) I still feel quite sad everytime I rewatch that match on DVD. People at Chelsea love our manager. I do too. Much love. I do love quotes from football, some of them are really quite inspirational, others are simply funny. Read them.

I'm feeling abandoned again.

Shoe shopping and chocolate eating seems to be the current fix. There's a really nice pair of pumps that I want to buy at URS. They're 44 bucks cos the outlet at Hougang Mall is having an opening sale. I want so bad. There is no chocolate in the house.

I know it seems weird to wait until the end of a blog post to comment about the Lord (because He really ought to be number one in my life and normally this would go into the MWWG blog) but I was still feeling restless and so darn unsure of myself and my life. So lost. But God always gives me a timely reminder, in another person's blog post, just a verse written on a card or an encouragement note from my church friends. I know I'm feeling lost and alone and I don't know why. And sometimes even Chelsea can't help me not feel this way. Only the Lord can. Because when I feel lost, I only need to remember that I'm found in Your great love for me. As Christians, others may expect us to be perfect, but we can never be. No one is save for our Father and His Son. We feel the same emotions as everyone does and I hate feeling upset with the Lord when things don't seem to be going my way. It just seems convenient to blame someone else other than ourselves so when I pray "Lord have your way" I hope I truly mean it. Lord, you have done so much for me, I have seen your wonders, your miracles and your grace, how blessed am I because of you! I feel so thankful that even now I acknowledge what you have done when a few years ago I may not have been so thankful because then, I never knew the difference You being in my life and not being in my life was. You are the only one.

I have decided to smile (and blog) again. The computer should not be scowled at nor blamed for bringing me unhappy news. Ah the wonders of the great IT world.

Nonetheless...

Bleh. I really hope I don't have to go for the PSC pyschometric retest. I'm hopping it's for those people who applied to PSC but didn't take the test before, unlike me. Taking the test again for personality would be a-ok with me because that's about myself and that's easy peasy. But asking me to do those reasoning tests of math/puzzles and logical reasoning? Please no. I shall call them up in the morning to clarify. Please please let me not have to take the retest. I shudder at my level of reasoning. Oh no... I tell you some of their options are really tricky and similar. And it all seems logical from a certain point of view! Better go do some sudoku to brush up my logic if I have to retake!

All my Chelsea footballers seem to have girlfriends/wives/fiancees. The world is so unfair. Nevermind nevermind. We're all living in dreamland. That reminds me- Where is my Chelsea loving boyfriend?

Dreamland not nightmare! (Yesterday I dreamt that the first A level that we took didn't count and we would have to retake can you believe it going through all that studying again? Like studying for one A levels not enough? I give away all my econs notes already! And threw away my outlines!-My mind really knows how to scare me)

Blue is the colour, football is the game
We're all together, and winning is our aim
So cheer us on through the sun and rain
'cause Chelsea, Chelsea is our name

Just like that my initial good mood vanished, leaving me with a vague sense of unease. Of what? Of the unknown? Or perhaps the possibilty that my slightest hopes may be dashed? Or just the insecurity that I'm not good enough? Things are happening too fast, time is passing too fast and I'm struggling to keep up.

Anyway, aside from that slight trepidation, it was a pretty good day. No piano in the afternoon so could spend the day having fun at SN's funfair. I ended up eating lots of cotton candy and then spending the rest of my money (besides buying some other food) buying 4 beautiful christmas ornaments (glass angels) for my mum because when I saw it I knew she would love it. And true enough when I met her later she told me she wanted to buy them but had no coupons with her at the mo since she was on duty and then had no idea where to get them because they were walking around selling them. I only wish I could have bought more because they really were gorgeous.

Spent the day at SN with YY and Gladys (Sonya was off gallivating (haha) in HongKong so didn't go with us-boohoo her company was missed and I want to go to HK too ) and then it was off to town for Fish and Co. It was a light lunch for YY and me and then we went to Kino where YY went a bit nuts cooing over pictures of cute dogs. Then she left for the NTU open house. And then I bummed around a bit before leaving for cell.

BTW, YuX messaged me to tell me that NUS Law is going to shortlist 800 people for interview and then take in 240. Worried worried. My goodness. I heard they only shortlisted 600 people last year. Of course they took in less last year but still... Cell was pretty fun and our DG ate alot for dinner, must be Eugenia's influence. I'm getting fatter. I should stop eating so much.

Spurs almost made off with a point at Stamford Bridge. Essien scored his first goal for Chelsea early in the game but an equalizer from Defoe left me on tetherhooks. Until William Gallas scored in the 91st minute! Hooray. Also bought Mourinho:The true Story (sub heading The book Mourinho tried to ban) which is a biography and is really good. It's perceptive and analytical and it doesn't really say anything bad about Mourinho so I can't understand why he wanted to ban it. But the depth of the book made me feel like I was reading a proper literature kind of biography and not a sports book and technically that's true because the book is a biography! Same like if you read a biography on someone else.

I have to tell myself I need to be optimistic and happy and hope for the best because I've been waiting for a very long time. Actually I shall give everything to God because He has a plan for me. =) Smiling now.

The last few days have seen me being tussed from my comfort zone of bumming around into a totally unfamiliar environment of teaching children in streams of Express and Normal. The difference between teaching at a neighbourhood school and teaching in a school like SN is definitely wide. While there are the usual children who wish to learn and those who don't care at all, the latter is way more than the former. The noise the ones less willing to learn make it hard to teach but I wonder if it is the ones who don't make noise but look bored that are harder. You really don't know if they are absorbing anything you say. I must say that even though the students can make it hard, I liked teaching History and English. I'm actually quite glad that I'm doing relief (over already) and not doing it for a longer period because then the other duties that come with being a teacher have to be done. I enjoyed the experience despite the complains but my only worry is that they really haven't absorbed much, even though I recapped with them and they seemed able to provide the answer. History for Sec 1 with ancient civilisations is really boring. I wonder what then made me so interested in history that I continued with it throughout Sec 3 and 4.

Still, the experience was a wee bit of a cultural shock but a learning one. It took me some time to get use to the noise in the classrooms and the calls of "cher cher!" No one ever said working life was easy.

Somehow Barca's win on total goals over Chelsea early Thursday morning didn't prove that much of a shock to me. Yes I was disappointed but perhaps the disappointment was quelled by the fact that the second leg, being played at Camp Nou in Spain with much more Barca fans than Chelsea fans, was a tie. It also helped that the goal scored by Ronaldinho was really a fantastic one and the penalty (apparently unfairly awarded to Chelsea but cheh I'm happy) at the 92nd minute duely converted by Lamps made it all quite nice. A 3-2 loss on aggregate to a worthy opponent can't be that bad. People are saying Mourinho has no class because of his unwillingness to admit the better team won. He has admitted before when the better team won but perhaps his antics and pyschological warfare of drawing attention to himself rather than the players (and thus dispelling the pressure on the players) was a old trick that people became familiar with.

Nonetheless I still support my Chelsea, the team, and the manager. I still have much Chelsea love. Love love love.

Arsenal played a goal-less second leg but won on aggregate against Real Madrid 1-0.
Liverpool lost 0-3 to Benfica.
And Manda says that Pools and Chelsea always seem to be exiting at the same stage for knockouts.

By the way, I really love talking to Manda about football. I really do.
Also had a great time with Sonya and YY yesterday at Suntec. Must be the good food and the even greater company.

I know my mood is swinging up down up down but right now I'm worried about higher education AND my stupid piano grade 8 book. I don't want to go into a rant about that exam book but if anyone can help me get it (of course I'll pay you back for the book) with alternative pieces for 2005-06 (gimme a call first), you'll earn my eternal gratitude. I already tried some of the Yamaha and Cristofori places and am super irritated. Some of the sales people have no idea that the exam has alternative pieces and look blur when I ask about baroque music. I bet they have no musical background. Singing in the bathroom and learning grade 1 10 years ago is NOT musical background.

Anyway I'm quite happy actually. I have a direction. It may not be that clear a one but after talking to my parents I realised that after LSE's no no, I don't really have the desire to go to another school in the UK. If I don't have the passion then I rather not go overseas. It's kind of sad to say that but the good thing is that I'm all the more clear about what I want to study and what I want to do with my life.

I will be eloquent and articulate and impress the interviewers at the Law interview.
I hope I know my current events.

Now I go and worry about the Barca-Chelsea Champions League match coming up. Don't let our CL dream come to an end!

Sometimes being optimistic brings disappointments. But sometimes that's life. I would like rainbows and sunshines and flowers and music but there's the thunderclouds and red cards in life.

My baby got red-carded during the West Brom away match! 1-2 by the way. Another 3 points!
(My baby's name today is Arjen Robben but the position's still open you know cos one day it's Cech another day it's Mourinho, Terry, Lamps, J.Cole or just another of my friends Haha) I suspect I'm suffering from the need-a-bf syndrome brought about by watching romantic movies. You know that whole romantic mood those movies tend to put people into... Tsk tsk. But at least it's making me happy happy.

Been re-reading my blog posts (again) and let me tell you even though my blog has lots of Chelsea stuff on it and I seem to be leading quite a semi care-free life during the A level period, I was not that lazy/nor care-free. I really studied, woke up early and stopped at 10. But it's not just studying! It's consistency, it's doing tutorials, going for lectures and being mentally present as well which is why I say I deserve my results. I put in loads of effort and it was God, family, friends and Chelsea that sustained me. Ha. But really. I worked damn hard. (I'm sorry but I still feel very proud over the History S)

OH... Since it's 5 March (12.33AM actually)

Happy Birthday to a53! And DT!

Looks like I'm staying in Singapore. At least my sister will be happy. I should have known that me being happy wasn't bound to last. At least I don't have to worry about scholarship applications anymore. But I guess I'll still need to talk to my parents because U of Manchester looks good as well and at least they want me. I think people should apply to Unis if they really want to go there. I hate how people apply for a course/uni just because. If you get a place in everywhere you apply to and don't really have interest in some, don't you think you're somehow depriving someone else who's sincerely interested of a place?

If I don't get into NUS law I shall stab myself. Just to let you know, law ISN'T like a second choice or anything. I'm interested in both law and IR. And I shall be equally happy if I get into law.

My tears have dried. I guess it wasn't God's plan. Oh well. International relations bye bye.

Unless I go to Manchester. Actually I can go there without a scholarship as it's much cheaper than London, if I go on my knees and beg my parents. Anyone out there willing to sponser me? About 45 k in pounds?

I actually felt like I was going to throw up on the way to VJ. Lucky thing I had WeeMin with me on the bus and before that talking to her on the phone about mindless stuff to take my conscious mind off the results.

You know what? I'm so thankful for all the people I have in my life who showed how they cared by messaging me, calling me to wish me all the best. I don't want to give names but I was really touched by Marie (this girl who has piano after me on Saturdays that I see weekly but don't talk to much but she's a guide and she's really pro at piano and really really nice) who called before and after my results. And people that I didn't expect to remember that I was getting results today (ahem *cough* June- her memory... ) but really, am touched by all those who wished me well.

I'm stunned, still shocked but happy. Especially the econs. Woah. My sister said she felt pressured. My parents couldn't believe it. I wanted the results but never expected it but feel glad that my hard work has paid off because I studied my ass off. The S paper results made me really happy, because getting distinction for my beloved history S is just... wonderful. My mind is still trying to process what seems like a dream. Couple of other things happened that made it even more possible it could be a dream.

Thank you so much Lord.

AAAB B3 Distinction (B for Math but can you believe Econs)

For the rest of my friends who took their results today, I do hope you're happy too.

You know what? I get my results today. Yup. Am I worried? Of course. Who wouldn't be? And right now it's 10.09 AM and my panic levels have reached a new frenzied high of fast heart beats and sweaty palms and irrational thought (even spelling irrational took some time) I think it's because for the past few days and weekend I haven't given it as much thought. I didn't worry, I enjoyed myself with watching Chelsea and Metoer Garden. WeeMin told me it was so over at sec2 but it was just nice to rewatch it and sigh at Jerry Yen's high cheekbones. Haha. But yes, I worried a little at night but prayed for the Lord to remove the anxiety.

I'm going to watch my Chelsea DVD immediately after finishing this post. I admire their determination in going to get the title of Premiership Champions after 50 years and so that shall be my inspiration. Ha.

I'm not going to predict what I'm going to get because then I'll probably go mad with worry.

Instead,

When we come to God, we make requests; we don't make demands. We come with high hopes and a humble heart. We state what we want, but we pray for what is right. And if God gives us the prison of Rome instead of the mission of Spain, we accept it because we know "God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them" (Luke 18.7)

-Max Lucado's 'Travelling Light'

Thank You in advance Lord because You have a plan for me. What I may want, You may give. But if it's not the path You want me to set my sights upon, let Your will be done.

And now, I am calm.